Ahhhh.....

That is how I feel today! After 6 months away Jim has returned home to us. It was an ok 6 months with no major illnesses, or huge dramatic events. So all in all I would say we were ok without him here, but to me having Jim gone is sort of like having an arm missing. He is such an important aspect of what makes our family a family. He supports us, loves us, makes us laugh, wipes our tears, holds tiny hands, loves unconditionally and always knows how to make things better. I didn't think I would cry when he came home. I knew he was coming home safe, there was never any danger of him not (Thank YOU God!). But seeing Colin run up and give his a giant Hug, and having Connor know his Daddy and even give him one of his stingy kisses got me a little choked up, I can't lie. So now he has been home for 2 days, and it is AMAZING! I love waking up and reaching out and knowing he is right there. I love that in the evening when the kids go to bed I am not lonely, I have my best friend to snuggle with and watch a movie. I love that last night he put Connor to bed in his big boy bed, and I didn't have to deal a crying baby.

Over the last 6 months I have built friendships that are deeper then I could have imagined, and seen generosity that knows no bounds. I have been blessed with a group of women who would and have dropped everything for me. They have loved my boys like their own, and literally dropped everything on a moments notice to help me out. This is a rare thing, and if you are fortunate enough to make those kinds of friends hold on tight! They have really and truly gotten me through not one but two deployments. They have volunteered their husbands, invited me over for meals, catered to Connor's illness, and cared for my kids. All without a single expectation, for this I can never repay them.  Amanda, Jenna andSam, thank you!

highs and lows

When I was a part of young life during College we would do something called highs and lows. Every week we would go around and everyone would say their high and low for the week. When I moved on from college and helped with other youth groups I took this with me. Now as a mom I do the same thing with Colin every Friday. When I pick him up from school I ask him the high of the week and the low. His high normally ahs to do with nachos for lunch, or getting a free chocolate milk from the extra table and his lows are normally getting in trouble for talking, or not getting the full reward for finishing his classwork. Very basic stuff for a 2nd grader. Yesterday was the same, I picked him up and we dropped off his friend and we decided to get an ice cream ( perk of CA, its still hot). His high then became the ice cream :) and his low was that he lost some of his class $ for not doing his work on time. I love that he is such a sweet little boy, who loves life and finds pleasure in such simple things :)

ps: I got an awesome new minivan today!

'My Day"

So today is my birthday and I am ok with admitting that I usually love my birthday, I love cake and presents and phone calls and attention. Jim always takes me to a cool restaurant and gets me good presents and really makes me feel special. This was the 1st time in 11 years that we have been apart on "my Day". He still sent a cool gift and called and did everything he could to make it special. I was ok with spending the day with friends and having coffee and maybe taking myself for a pedicure, but Connor's endoscopy was bad and they needed to see him, and the Dr. is only in clinic on Monday, so off to San Diego I went. I'm not gonna lie, I went with a begrudging attitude, after al this is "my day"right? I shouldn't have to drive 3 hours just to talk to a Dr. But i went, because I am a Mom and thats what we do :) The drive down was actually nice, I spent time calling people, and listening to music and enjoying my morning. I knew the Dr. planned on retesting Connor's allergies, but I had forgotten how awful it is. I literally had to hold him down while the nurse pricked him close to 30 times. IT was fairly obvious almost immediately that his allergies have gotten much worse. a year and a half ago he tested positive for 5 allergies, today it was 17. These don't include foods that his body just rejects and tries to fight off, these are just straight up allergies. They are different levels of severity, ranging from eggs and peanuts (deadly) to peas (might cause a rash) but that makes trying to do a food trial very difficult. I left the Dr, feeling depressed and very discouraged. We will have to go back in 3 weeks, and then 3 weeks after that and then again 6 weeks after that, and any # of other times if the Dr. finds anything else worrisome in his bloodwork. I felt so frustrated that my day had turned out so cruddy.
Now both of my boys are in bed, and as I tucked Colin in he gave me a kiss and a hug and told me "Connor and i are so lucky to have you for a Mommy" and I asked him why and he replied "because you always do whatever you have to, to take care of us" In that short moment I realized that my birthday is just a day like any other, and I don't need a day to make me feel special. I have 2 little boys who mean the world to me, and they feel the same way about me. It is still a long road ahead of us, and I still feel discouraged about Connor's allergies, but the reality is that things could always be worse. My situation is not even close to the worst in the world. I am so grateful for his little reminder.

One of those weeks

Do you ever have one of those weeks where you just want to cry? I do, and this was one of them. I am very easily disappointed, always have been. I get my hopes up and if things don't go as planned I am heart broken. This was my week. Let me start at the beginning. Jim and I are going to celebrate 10 years of marriage next April, and I have been planning for this for a LONG time. I have wanted to do something really special and big just the 2 of us, for years and thought what better time then to celebrate our 10th. So i started looking into trips we could take, and we decided that a cruise to Alaska was perfect. So I started looking at dates, and costs and talking to my Mom about watching the boys. Well it all came to a crashing halt this week when Jim said it just wasn't gonna happen next year, there is no way for him to take off a couple weeks because they are so busy at work. I was crushed, tears, and sobbing. I know this is dramatic, but it was really devestating for me. 10 years! Thats a big deal and I wanted to celebrate in style. So I basically spent the next few days moping and grumbling about how unfair my life is, and how nothing ever goes the way I want. Pretty much I was like a 6 year old.

This morning i woke up to an email from Jim, of course he can't change things, but he just somehow always makes things seem better. He was just emailing to tell me about his day, or something mundane. But in that small email he also told me that he missed me a lot. I reminded me that I have been married for almost 10 Years to Jim! My best friend, the person who loves and misses me even when i act like a baby. The man who chose to be with me forever, and I know will keep that promise no matter how tough things get. I don't need to go on a cruise to be reminded of that love. I have 2 awesome boys, that I love beyond words. How can I say things never go my way, when I have a life that I love. I am blessed in so many ways. So I am going to try harder not to be such a complainer. i am going to look at the positives, and see the good and not the bad in situations. Well i'm gonna try :)

Good times!

This has been a pretty awesome month! To start it off my mom and nephew arrived for their annual summer visit. Every year for the last 3 summers they have come down for anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 weeks. This time it was 3 1/2 weeks. My mom has been going through Chemo for almost 6 months so it was great to have her here and just relaxing and enjoying our time. Just picking my Mom up at the airport was an adventure. She arrived the day before Connor's birthday so i had the genius idea to drive to LA on the way to get her (ok so it was 90 minutes past the airport) to get Connor some very special cupcakes that he could actually eat. ON the way there the boys and I did a bunch of shopping, but most of our time was spent getting lost in downtown Los Angeles. IT turned out fine and we got the cupcakes which Connor absolutely loved! IT was so great to see him chowing down on something even if just for the day. This came of the heals of some pretty frustrating news that his body was rejecting potatoes and we needed to start him on something else. The next 3 foods were pretty epic fails. His body did not like app;es, bananas, or quainoa (sp). His birthday was a lot of fun, we had a big party and although the pool ended up being closed because the water was too HOT, everyone still had a great time and Connor now has more toys then he knows what to do with :) We are so blessed witho so many people who love Connor! I will be doing 2 more posts in the next week because we literally jammed so much into July, and August will be just as busy. Bring on the business, it makes the time go so much faster!

Sometimes I wonder??

So sometimes I wonder how do people measure how much they miss someone else. Is it how long you have known them, how long they are away, or how far away they are? Does the fact that one person is more busy or less busy weigh into this?
I ask this because as you all know my hubs is gone for the next 6 months or so, and has been fore for about 6 weeks already, and although I miss his company and companionship and all of the other things that come with being married to my BFF :) (he would kill me for calling him that), it is very rare for me to tell someone else that I miss Jim, or to even really think it to myself. I am not the type of person to sit and be sad, I would rather get out there and do something then sit around my house thinking about how much I miss Jim. Does that mean I am a jerk? Am I unthoughtful? I like to think it means I am an independent woman who has the ability to survive no these seperations and even thrive while he is away knowing that when he does come home it will be all the more sweet. I don't want to be that wife who constantly complains about missing my husband, it really just adds extra stress to his life, and thats the last thing I want.
I love Jim, with my whole heart. He has been the most constant person in my life for more then 10 years, and so of course it is different when he's gone, but this is the life we have chosen. For better or worse there is a reason why we are in this place (or places) at this time. I choose to live my life to the fullest both when Jim is here and when he is gone.

An Ode to Colin

So last week I got a note from Colin's teacher that said I was invited to his school for an awards ceremony. I'm not gonna lie, I was stoked! I yelled across the parking lot to my friends in excitement, to which my friend replied " Why would Colin not get an award?". You see Colin is an academis. He loves to learn, and he picks things up after hearing it once or twice. So usually when people give me compliments on how smart Colin is I say "oh it's just who he is, or oh he gets it from his Dad", but the reality is that I play a huge part in his education, and his love of learning. From the time he was 2 or 3 we would sit down and do "homework" together. He would get out his little work book and his pencil and go to work. So now as a 7 year old I have the joy of seeing that manifested in him.

This morning I got up early, I did my hair and I put on make-up, and I made sure Colin was dressed in nice clothes, and we headed off to his assembly. I was so anxious to see what award he would get, there are only 3 per class. Finally his teacher was up, she announced the other awards, and finally she came to Colin. He recieved the Personal Success Award for Academic Achievement. I got a little misty eyed as i watched my little smarty pants accept his award. His teacher told us all that Colin had scored 100% on his standerdized testing, and those are some hard tests!!! I am so impressed with the learner that he is. I love it that he knows the importance of education, and that he should always try his hardest and do his best work, so for a moment I will not be modest or humble and i will admit that I did that! I taught him that ! I hope and pray that his zeal for learning strengthens as he grows. I want him to realize that with hard work he can do or be anything he wants!